Title: Reaction
Chapter Title: He
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Coupling: Mark/Lexie
Rating: PG-13/T
Words: 1,020
Author’s Note: Completely ignores the events of last Sunday’s episode, “Holidaze”.
He watches for even breathing like a hawk. The rise and fall of her chest in a steady rhythm means she’s still here with them and that she’s not going anywhere. So he can ignore the patch of white dressing over her tiny belly, the clump of intestines outside her belly, and the yellow tube threaded through her nose as long as her chest continues to rise and fall rhythmically.
Up. Down. Up. Down.
He abhors the NICU, especially now that she’s here, because it smells like hand sanitizer, tears, and, worst of all, death. The smell alone makes him jumpy and nervous; the sight makes him nauseous. She’s so tiny and frail, and when he works up the nerve to reach in and touch her, her little clinched fist barely unfurls to cover one third of his pinky. He can’t tell if her little tuff of brown hair is soft under his gloved hair nor can he feel if her skin is silk smooth like her mother’s.
He understands the need for a sterile environment; the incubator’s plastic bubble separating father and daughter also separates her from infection and certain death. But it’s hard because he wants to be a good dad, and good dads are able to hold their daughters and shield them from the world. But, most of all, he wants her to know how much he loves her because she’s perfect.
Her little pursed lips, her tuff of black hair, and her nose remind him of her mother’s; her cheekbones and tiny ears are all him. So despite the gastroschisis – the large and small intestine growing outside her body – she’s everything and then some to him. Perfection in a bubble.
Perfection, though, that lacks a name. He wants to name for the mother he wished he had and the mother she wishes was still around. She refuses to pick one for some reason unknown to him, and therefore ‘perfection in a bubble’ is being called Baby Grey-Sloan.
And he longs to give her a name because he cannot bear to lose another nameless child. read more…
Title: Reaction
Chapter Title: Her
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Coupling: Mark/Lexie
Rating: PG-13/T
Words: 1,020
Author’s Note: Completely ignores the events of last Sunday’s episode, “Holidaze”.
She’s a stress eater, a nervous eater. She must have gained ten extra pounds in between the time she found out she was pregnant and the time she broke the news to him.
“I’m…I’m pregnant,” she blabbers. “And I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing because I don’t know how you feel, and if you’re not happy, then I don’t know what I’m going to do because I need you. I need you, Mark, and babies aren’t really your thing unless you get to attach their arms. Oh my god. Oh my god, what if I need a caesarean and the quack OB cuts his arm off. And then you can’t operate on him because you’re his dad and you’re family and he’s left without a right arm. And kids, they’re really mean, and they like to make fun of other kids on the playground. He’ll be scarred for life. Literally and emotionally. And…Will you say something here because I’m totally freaking out, and I need to know how you feel about our kid. Our armless kid.”
“You’re pregnant?”
And then when everything went pear-shaped, when the ultrasound showed gastroschisis – also called paraohphalocele, laparoschisis, abdominoschisis, or abdominal hernia – she ate four Butterfinger candy bars while waiting for Arizona Robbins to come and speak to them. She moaned and cried and ate two whole pints of Haagen-Dazs rum raisin ice cream in between contractions after Robbins, her OB-GYN, and Addison Montgomery via conference call decided to induce labor today.
“It’s a girl, Lexie!”
The confirmation of her daughter’s diagnosis made her eat seven cups of Jell-O in the recovery room, and then she got her sister, Molly, to sneak in a greasy cheeseburger and fries from the burger joint three streets over once she was in her own room. So when he came to give her an update and tried to describe the baby down to the last freckle for her, he was confronted with the image of her mid-bite. There was a drab of cheese on her chin and a smudge of ketchup on her cheek, and he wanted to scream at her for eating at a time like this.
“She’s perfect. Absolutely perfect.”
She nodded and shoved another fry in her mouth before she realized that everyone was looking at her expectantly. And then she started to tear up because the fries weren’t helping keep the stress and the nerves and the subsequent emotions at bay.
“I can’t…I can’t…Gastroschisis is really, really scary. I mean, it sounds cool when you’re a surgical intern because this baby’s organs are growing outside their body and you get to put them back in. But she’s mine and she’s a part of me and she could, she could die.” read more…
Title: Hiccup
Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy
Coupling: Mark/Lexie
Rating: PG/K+
Author’s Note: This little ficlet is awful, so please proceed with caution. But this is what happens when the real writers throw huge wrenches disguised as discovered eighteen-year-old daughters into the plot with no warning. Shonda, you changed my plans and dreams.
“Hey,” you whisper as lean down and place a kiss on her forehead. She looks absolutely exhausted, the kind of exhausted you only get when you’ve been working for thirty-six hours and then come home to find the baby crying. She blinks at you like she’s trying to make her eyes focus on the man standing in front of her, but she’s just too exhausted to care. Her head falls back against the back of the couch, and she closes her eyes as you sit down next to her.
Needless to say, you’re a little bit peeved because you shouldn’t come home to find your twenty-five year old girlfriend on the couch feeding your ten-week-old grandson a bottle after a thirty-six hour shift.
“Where’s Sloan?”
“Out,” she mumbles. There’s no emotion behind it; her voice isn’t laced with anger or bitterness. But you’re angry, you’re bitter, and you don’t know what to say.
For awhile the only sound is that of Riley sucking the last little bit of milk out of his bottle until your girlfriend groans because she’s tired and she knows he need to be burped and she really doesn’t have the strength.
“I’ve got him, Lex,” you tell her, but she shakes her head ‘no’.
“No. You just finished a seventeen-hour surgery, and you’re exhausted. So I’ll take care of the baby, and you get some sleep because you’re tired. And I’m fine, I’m peachy, and…”
“Little Grey,” you interrupt, “you’re babbling. You’re tired. I’ll take him.”
She looks at you for a moment, and then, suddenly, it’s like someone turned on the waterworks because she’s sobbing. She’s sobbing and her hair falls into her face as her tiny chest is racked with sobs.
“I’m so tired,” she sobs.
“I know,” you reply because you don’t really know what else to say.
Sorry, my daughter is a flake and I need someone to watch her baby.
“And I really, really love you, so I don’t mind taking care of Riley…” read more…
Title: Tragedy
Chapter Title: Speak
Fandom: Brothers & Sisters
Coupling: Justin/Rebecca
Rating: R/M
Words: 3,340
“Sorrow you can hold, however desolating, if nobody speaks to you. If they speak, you break down.” – Bede Jarrett
The only sound is that of silverware scraping on china and the smacking of jaws as the Walker clan chew their food noisily. Nora, sitting at the head of the table, sighs and sets her silverware down diagonally across her plate. Tonight’s dinner was supposed to be a happy occasion. Rebecca and Justin were supposed to be announcing their impending arrival because at twelve weeks, the chance of miscarriage dwindles significantly.
This was supposed to be a happy occasion.
Instead, she’s spent most of the evening’s dinner shooting Justin and Rebecca apologetic and sympathetic looks. Not that either of them have noticed because Rebecca’s spent the whole evening pushing her food around her plate with her fork and Justin’s been eyeing his siblings’ wine glasses with such a fierceness that it’s making her nervous.
“Okay, what’s going on?” Tommy, the last one to know anything, enquires. He looks at the family quizzically, unsure of the origin of all the awkward silence. Everyone but Justin and Rebecca turn their attention to him and he glances from Justin to Rebecca and back again.
“Are you using again?” He barks at his brother, his voice laced with anger. Justin’s head shots up at his brother’s accusation, his eyes glazed over in anger.
“No,” he replies sharply. “I’m not using again. But thanks for the vote of confidence, bro.”
Tommy scoffs and looks for backup from his mother, brother, sisters, brother-in-laws, and sister-in-law. When he doesn’t find it, his anger wells up even more, spilling over like a rain-swelled river on to its banks.
“Tommy,” Julia mumbles, touches her husband’s sleeve to get his attention but he pulls away and continues on his diatribe.
“No, Julia. I’d like to know why my idiotic brother thinks it’s okay for him to destroy himself again,” Tommy tells her. “Why he thinks it’s okay for him to be an idiot and leave us to pick up the pieces.”
“I’m not using,” Justin quickly replies, jumping to his feet, jumping to his own defense. “I’m not using and where do you get off accusing me of doing so?”
“Where do I get off?” Tommy asks incredulously. “Excuse me for caring, Justin.”
“Enough,” Nora roars, jumping to her own feet and everyone jumps in their seats. She leans on the table, her hands clutching the sides and glares at her eldest son and her youngest child. “Sit down.”
“Mom,” Tommy starts as Justin sinks back down into his seat. His hand searches for Rebecca’s under the table, wanting the comfort of her skin on his, but despite her sympathetic eyes, she pulls it away.
“Thomas Walker, don’t you dare ever accuse your brother of using unless you know for damn sure. Especially not tonight.”
“Tonight?” Tommy echoes and Julia whispers to him softly.
“Tommy, they…” she trials off, her voice dipping so low that barely anyone can hear them without extreme concentration. “Rebecca…baby.”
“Does everyone know?” Rebecca mumbles softly but everyone’s ears are perked as they try to eavesdrop on Tommy and Julia’s conversation and they’re able to decipher what Rebecca didn’t even mean for Justin’s ears.
“Rebecca,” Nora begins softly and Rebecca blinks back tears.
“Everyone knows?” She asks again and then laughs awkwardly. “Everyone knows.”
“Rebecca,” Justin starts, reaching for her hand and she jumps up.
“I can’t believe you,” she tells him and Justin vigorously shakes his head no.
“Rebecca,” Nora says, making a move towards Rebecca’s end of the table.
“The one thing, Justin. The one thing I wanted, needed you to keep quiet, to keep to yourself. And you told everyone.”
“Rebecca,” he says quickly. He pushes back his chair and jumps to his feet as a tactic to defend himself. “I didn’t tell anyone.”
“You know, please, just don’t lie to me. I’ve been lied to entirely way too much in my life, so don’t,” she says, brushing loose strands of hair out of her face, herself on the verge of tears. “Not about this, Justin. Not about this.” read more…
From lyin’ about the most recent, and final, installment of Permeable:
“this was really, really terrific, fantastically detailed, and you really managed to pull off the timeline based on all the information from the show absolutely brilliantly. great job keeping Casey and Cappie especially in-character, too. way to go, good luck and keep writing, and thanks for the read!!
“
